Are you a people pleaser? I am. I admit it. I often wish I wasn’t. In fact, I’m envious of people who say they don’t care what other people think and actually mean it (does anyone actually mean it though?…).
A few months ago I had the flu. Like the real flu. I’ve never called off of work a day in my life so when I called off on Tuesday after literally hardly being able to get out of the bed, I dragged my sickly self to the doctor and sure enough tested positive for flu (keep in mind this was right before COVID became a national emergency…). Just when you think you have your life under control, God’s like “girl, please.”
The doctor told me to take the week off and I was like “oh no that won’t be necessary.” This was obviously my first time having the flu. Needless to say I did, in fact, end up having to take the week off. Which was a bit torturous for several reasons, but that forced week of rest + quarantine left me with ample time for self reflection (and binge watching Real Housewives…so bad yet so good).
All of this self reflection helped me come to accept the fact that although I may not like it, I am a people pleaser. And here are 21 self realizations that are helping me come to terms with this fact. I’m actually realizing it may not be such a bad thing after all.
These realizations may sound harsh, but sometimes a little brutal honesty is good for the soul, don’t you think?
1. It’s ok if someone doesn’t like you. In fact, there are going to be lots of people that don’t like you for no good reason at all, and that’s ok.
2. It’s ok if someone else says something that hurts your feelings. Be tough, you will be fine.
3. It’s ok if you say something that offends someone. Always speak in truth, kindness and with honorable intentions. How it’s perceived is out of your control.
4. It’s ok if you don’t seem to get along with someone else. Again, not everyone is going to like you. It’s still ok…
5. Stop expecting everyone else to respond to a situation exactly how you would. That would make us all the same, and that would be boring and difficult.
6. Stop expecting everyone to care as much as you do. Again, we are all different and that’s a good thing.
7. Stop giving all of yourself and feeling drained and hurt when the world doesn’t give anything back to you. Do good without expecting the same in return. The world doesn’t owe you anything.
8. Let. it. go. Stop wasting time regretting and wishing you would’ve said this or should’ve done that. The only thing holding you back from moving forward is your own ruminating. Get over yourself.
9. Stop expecting everyone to understand exactly where you’re coming from. They may never get it, and that’s ok. Let it go.
10. Stop worrying if so-and-so is mad at you. Even if they are, it’s really not that serious.
11. It’s ok to say “no.” No, I don’t like that. No, I’d rather not go to that. Just be kind and compassionate and they will understand. If they don’t, it’s still ok.
12. Don’t trust their opinion over your own. They mean well, and sometimes it’s good to listen to their advice. But ultimately you know yourself best. Honor and stay true to you.
13. Stop overthinking that text. The one you sent AND the one you received. Just stop it.
14. Be confident in your decisions. If you thoughtfully and prayerfully make a decision, be content with it even if others aren’t.
15. Stop over apologizing if you didn’t actually do anything wrong.
16. Try and make yourself as happy as you try and make others. Not in a selfish way. Rather, in a self-love, self-care type of way. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself.
17. It’s not a bad thing to want to please people. It can actually be a great asset, as long as you stay true to yourself and what you believe in.
18. When you have the flu, stay home from work and stop feeling guilty about it. Really though, stop feeling guilty. It would actually be rude to show up and get everyone else sick too.
19. Sometimes you’re so worried about making everyone else happy that you’re actually annoying them. Calm down and let what will be, be.
20. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Give yourself the same grace you give to others.
21. Learn to harness your people pleasing tendencies and turn it into a strength. Acknowledge it, accept it, use it for good.
