We recently announced we are expecting our first baby (yay!). Yes, I’m pregnant (15.5 weeks while writing this post) and I’m still getting used to saying those sweet, sweet words!
If you’ve ever been pregnant (or thought you might be…), you know that 3 minute wait for the test results is hideously torturous and easily feels like an hour.
Y’all, when I took that pregnancy test and saw the slightest little second faint pink line my whole world turned upside down in the best possible way. I refused to get really excited until the next day, when that faint line grew stronger and was an undeniable hot pink. Then I proceeded to take a test every morning for the next 5 days just to confirm that I was not hallucinating out of desire and to make sure my HCG levels were rising as they should… my neurotic way of trying to feel some sense of control in a situation in which I have NONE.
Finding out I was pregnant was the happiest moment of my life. It was also one of the most terrifying. 836,890,752 thoughts simultaneously rushed into my brain (and in full disclosure I absolutely Googled some of these curiosities). While the thoughts have only piled on since then about pregnancy and parenthood (to be discussed in future posts for sure…), I thought I’d share moments from those first few days. I mean I can’t be the only one to feel this way, right??
Here’s how it went:
Is this really positive? What are the rates of a false negative? When will the baby be born? BABY? Will I be a good mom? Will I be a bad mom? How do you not be a bad mom? How do you raise a child? How does that fit in me and then fit coming out?? What can I eat? What can’t I eat? What should I do now? Should I tell someone? I’m not nauseous is that bad? How do you parent? How can I apologize to my mom for any mean thing I ever did to her? Should I be buying stuff? Can I still go to barre class? What should I be doing right now? Is cramping normal? Why am I not nauseous? Really not sure how to parent? Will it be a boy or girl? What books can I immediately buy to start preparing? Still don’t know what stuff to buy. SOS. How do you raise a kind child? Will my baby like me? I’m obsessed with my baby already. Do I really have to let him/her move out one day?? SOS. Thank gosh we have cute maternity clothes now. Will I get fat? How do you not get fat? Still not nauseous is everything ok down there babe? I really want maternity leggings. Should I give all my close away? Probably not Hanna get yourself together. I’m giving them all away anyway. How do you know what car seat to buy? SOS. Seriously how does a human grow inside my body? Ok getting nauseous now. I think that’s good. How do you swaddle? Wow very nauseous. We need to pick names STAT, our baby can’t be nameless! Ok throwing up now. Morning sickness is legit. I think it’s a girl. When do you have a baby shower? How do you raise a child?
Well, y’all… while I still have no answers to most of my questions (except that we now know IT’S A GIRL… hence the pink icing in that pic. And we have a great selection of cute maternity clothes nowadays), one thing I feel certain about. I love this little human more than I’ve ever loved anything, more than I knew was possible. And even though I’m a newborn myself in the world of motherhood, I know that someway, somehow God designed it so all of these uncertainties force us to trust His way, His plan. Because seriously without divine intervention how on earth could that thing come out of you?!
Cheers to all you mamas: old ones, new ones, tired ones, aspiring ones and all other ones. You are doing a great job.
Now if someone could please just answer my question of “how do you raise a child?” Thanks.
